Standstill

So this blog is supposed to be about change. So far I don't seem to have any. I envy E and hope to be more like her, but at the moment that is a bit difficult. I'm experiencing some health issues...have been for months. At first it was just the standard winter colds, but that turned into asthma symptoms and a cough for 4 months straight. Then, once I finally thought that was better, my left side start hurting. I eventually ended up going to Urgent Care, which sent me to the ER, which sent me to a doctor who had no idea what I had. So next, to a bigger,more renowned clinic/hospital. Tests, tests and more tests, coupled with some biopsy surgery, and still no answers. So now, on to a bigger, even more world renowned clinic. Eventually, if they ever get me an appointment. It's so frustrating. Time I could use to look for a job or work out or do something is spent at doctor's offices or resting because of the pain, or answering all the people who keep asking me how I'm doing. Although, I do appreciate the concern. So all that, on top of work in three different departments and at least a couple of nights a week spent helping my nephew with his English homework. I am exhausted,and frustrated, and stressed!!!! I actually broke down at work the other day after a stupid e-mail just because I'm so stressed out. At least I have some good friends there who can talk me through it.  But thank God it's Friday. It has not been a good week. Not that next week will be much better, so much to get done.

A person retired today after 42 years and he said he couldn't believe how fast it went. And I went crap, I'm going to end up here some day if I don't do something soon.

I want so much to find something I love to do, leave this town, grow up, get on with my life etc. and I just can't seem to do it. Even my apartment is a mess. Clean apartment, clean mind? I'll have to try it. So I don't know what the next step is. I've been thinking lately about going back to school, but I would have to decide what for. I mean why waste money on something you won't use? I've done that once already. SO ARG!!!! What do to?????? I guess, write down what I might be interested in and start looking. It's something. Baby steps.