Cupid is cruel

              Cupid is cruel.

Ok, not really, but sometimes it sure feels that way. Like today. Today, once again, as it has been for centuries, is Valentine's Day. Which itself, has an interesting back story, and perhaps didn't even originate in February; and Cupid was somehow turned into a chubby baby with a bow and arrow. But I digress.

Intellectually, I know this is just a commercialized holiday. A day for companies to make money and significant others to try to look cool. Intellectually, I know it's just another day. But it sucks!

I shouldn't complain, I know. I'm not in a horrible relationship. I haven't recently broken up with someone. I have a roof over my head, and friends who love me. I know people are in way more emotional pain than me today. I do. And I'm truly sorry. I wish I could help. But, it still sucks!

Once again, I have no one. I'm pretty sure I'm off Cupid's radar. WAY, WAY, OFF. No one has ever shown the slightest interest in me, and any guy I try to show interest in says I'm "just a friend," or  "like a sister," or "not interested," or studies to become a priest. Twice on that last one. Makes a girl really start to wonder about herself. Makes a girl eat her feelings and retreat to self-isolation. Which, of course, is part of the problem of why I don't have anyone. But that's being worked on.  But seriously, when you see/hear of so many people having someone, that doesn't look like or act like they should have someone, or are super mean, or criminals, or horrible, horrible people (I mean even Hitler had a girlfriend), it really makes you wonder what the hell is going on.

Honestly, I would even take just going/hanging out with friends today. Wish I was closer geographically to E so we could do this. I causally tried asking R to come over, but I'm pretty sure I just freaked/weirded him out. WHICH SUCKS! And I didn't even mean it romantically. I honestly just wanted to hang out with a friend. I'm such an idiot!!!!!!!

I know, I know...."The right person is out there." I will "find him one day." When I stop looking, "then it will happen." THEY say. I did stop looking. Still single!  I'm pretty sure they don't know what they are talking about, because it certainly feels like I'm going to forever be alone.